Hollow Victory
by Zus
Summary: Xander monologue


Title: Hollow Victory  
  
Author: Zus (sgarriszu@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, but I would love to have a Xander. One with kind of long hair and wearing a wife-beater and tight jeans.  
  
Now it is just the two of us. Over the last 6 or 7 years, all of the others have gone away-some slowly, some quickly, some quietly and some so very not quietly.  
  
First it was Angel and Cordelia-gone to LA. That leaving was pretty quiet, sad but quiet. Of course Cordelia can never be totally quiet. Then Oz- loud and messy the first time, not so much the next. No one has heard from Oz in a very long time now though. Joyce-well, that was a quiet leaving- quick too. One day she was there-the next she was gone, forever. Giles went back to England. For some of the others, the break was quick and clean, but Giles really struggled with the decision, and he hasn't completely cut his ties, quite. He calls me from time to time. He has a girlfriend and a job at the British Museum, just like Willow supposed he might have had all those years ago. He really doesn't ask me about...things...here anymore. Tara left too; it's been almost two years now I think; she moved to Atlanta. Like everything else about Tara, that leaving was quiet and dignified. Willow was heart-broken, of course, but Tara said she couldn't stay and see Willow but not be able to be with her, you know. Willow said, "so be with me," but Tara was strong. She had decided that she was enabling Willow, and that the love of her life could only survive without her. About 6 months later, Willow finally had to leave too. She worked so hard to beat her addiction, but being here, on the hellmouth, just made it that much harder. Not many left in the Dale to stop her or make much of a fuss by then, so another quiet leaving, although I cried at the airport after she boarded the plane. Now she is in Seattle, working for a "large international corporation." She calls every Sunday afternoon and, so far, no magic. At least that is what she tells me, but her voice sounds kind of hollow when she says it. Spike, well, Spike left town about a year ago. He couldn't handle it when Buffy turned away from him for good. His leaving was quick and quiet. That was kind of a surprise, actually. I would have pegged him for the loud and ugly type of leaver. Funny thing, he and I had gotten to be pretty good friends before he left, drinking buddies and all that. She broke his unbeating heart. He said he couldn't stand to be around her anymore. Told me he was gonna go look for Dru, to find a little sanity, but I don't know if he's found her, or sanity for that matter-I haven't heard from him since. Dawn was the last; she left for college-Stanford, no less-just 3 weeks ago. I kind of got the feeling that she really couldn't get away fast enough, but I guess most 18 year olds feel that way.  
  
So now there are two. Me and Buffy.  
  
What? No, I didn't forget about Anya. I can never forget about Anya. I was hoping you wouldn't notice that little omission. It's a little hard for me to talk about. See, Anya left me at the altar over three years ago. She ran off with my "friend" Tito. Don't know where they are. I tell everyone I don't care. They never even bothered to send me a letter. What I really find hard to believe is that she left the Magic Shoppe without a backward glance. Sad, huh, but I really find it harder to believe that she left the shop than that she left me. Giles turned Anya's part of the shop over to Buffy, and that's how she spends her days now. Magic shop girl by day, slayer by night. Business hasn't been very good.  
  
Me? I'm still construction guy. Foreman-making the nice bucks. Still helping Buffy on patrol. I'm pretty worried about what will happen when the next Apocalypse rolls around, now that it's just the two of us. I've turned into a really good research guy though, surprisingly enough. But there's only just the two of us. Someone has to do it.  
  
Buffy is as strong as ever, of course. She still slays, if you know what I mean. You'd think I would be thrilled that every single possible obstacle between me and the slayer has slowly moved away. An open field for the Xan- man, right? I've loved her for, well, forever. I guess I will always love her, and now there is just the two of us. It's just that, well, truthfully there's really just me, alone. See, there's this girl here, this slayer. She works at the shop. She kills the demons and vampires. She eats; she sleeps; she shops. She talks to me sometimes. It's the things she doesn't do... It's the things she doesn't say...hasn't said or done for years now. She came back wrong, you see. We knew. We knew almost from the very beginning that something was wrong. And then we sang those stupid songs, and we knew that we had made a mistake, but it was a while before we realized how big of a mistake it really was. She came back wrong, and it's just the two of us. I promised myself that I would never leave her. But dear God, I wish that I could. Buffy was right when she asked if this was hell.  
  
Now it is just the two of us. 


End file.
